Today I cleaned my bathrooms, yeah, fun!

I had such an exciting day, really! First off, I slept all night, and almost all day, seriously! And coming from me, that is AMAZING, at least lately it is, nothing has been able to keep me asleep for more than 2 or 3 hours in the last month, and finally I got a great, wonderful, LONG 15 hours of sleep. And dreams, I miss dreams!!! YAY, I feel rested, and unfortunately am wide awake when I was trying to go back to night time sleeping. Darn it. Am I forever doomed to be a night owl???

Sooooo, after I woke up at 2:30 this afternoon, I cleaned. Yeppers, I started with my two icky dirty, in much need of loving cleaning bathrooms. And hours (yeah they were that bad) later my bathrooms look, smell and feel clean. Bliss!!!See!!! Clean! This is bathroom #1, MINE!!! Meaning I use this one the mostest! It is in my bedroom, and I love monkeys, I am sooo glad Mitch lets me decorate how I want.

Don't you like the M and K I put above the perty decorator towels we NEVER ever use. I threatened much violence if Mitch ever touched them, LOL, the ones we use are on hooks on the back of the door.

The rug is my favorite. But unfortunately it is taking a temporary vacation in my closet... my kitty Karma just arrived at her new home (she was in Cali at our old house with my mommy forever, but finally joined us here in Nevada) and her litter box is in the bathroom. I hate litter boxes, and she has never had to use one, but I won't let her outside yet, so I need somewhere for her to potty. Well, you should see the other side of the rug, she really scratched it up BAD!!! But this side is still pretty. So to save poor Mr. Monkey, I moved him to the closet for now, but I brought him out to share with all of you!And here is my other bathroom, I haven't put as much time and money into this one yet. The toilet seat is usually up, because Chumba will only drink outta the toilet. But I closed it for the sake of picture taking... trust me it is sparkling clean!

After the bathrooms were done, I cleaned my bedroom, and vacuumed upstairs. I even made my bed. I never make my bed, I just get sooo sad when Mitch messes it up to get into it that very same night! Sorry no pictures, Mitch is sleeping. Maybe when I decorate my bedroom... someday. Poor bedroom, the bed is lonely with no one to talk to but the nightstand. I seriously need more furniture. Once again... someday!

Now tomorrow, I need to tackle the cabinet under the bathroom sink!YIKES!!! Look there is even a scrapbooking magazine under there, maybe it'll inspire me to make some new pages.

So after that I made dinner, pork chops, asparagus, and pesto. Yummy! Then after Mitch went to bed, I was having a sweet craving so I made Betty Crocker cookie brownie bars. Only I never cut them into bars!!! I'll just continue to eat them outta the pan, hehehe! Anyways, since then I have sat here and caught up on myspace, and wrote this blog. At least I was semi-productive today. Now if only I could fall asleep...

As Promised...

I don't want my blog to be know as a depressing one, and seriously, I know it has been lately. So I will keep my word, and share some happy news that has happened lately, as promised in my last post! So.......

Let's start with my hubby's birthday. On September 13Th Mitch turned 27! After he got off work, we met his parents in Lake Tahoe for dinner. It was a lobster buffet at MontBleu. Y-U-M-M-Y!!! His Dad, who has rarely acted like he liked me very much was pretty darn drunk. It was sooooo very funny to watch him. He was a total goofball, he kept making the lobster talk and dance, and salute, and any thing else you can possibly think of. It was hilarious. And it was really, and I mean really annoying my mother in law Connie. She finally yanked the lobster out of his hand, ripping the head right off the body. Me and Mitch kept looking at each other and laughing.

After dinner, we went back over to the Horizon, where his parents were staying, they had a band playing, and we ordered drinks. We talked, and at one point Dennis (my father in law) asked me what I was drinking, so he could order me another one. I told him it was a "sex on the beach" he looked at me like I was joking, then looked at Connie like I was joking, she told him I wasn't, so he went up to the bartender and asked "do you make sex on the beach?" Well a minute later he came back with my drink with a very amused but shocked look on his face. All night he kept talking about how crazy a name that was for a drink. Of course I had to set him straight and tell him that that was actually a fairly mild name compared to others like "screaming orgasm" and "blow job". His mouth literally dropped open when I said that. And at that moment I thought it might be fun to compile an list complete with recipes of some super naughty cocktails. Connie couldn't believe what I told him. It was funny.

All night me and Dennis wanted to dance, me with Mitch and Dennis with Connie (it was also their anniversary, they had Mitch on their one year anniversary!) But Mitch and Connie were party poopers, and I was warned by Connie NOT to dance with Dennis, cause he didn't know how to dance, lol. But finally I caved, and Mitch got some pictures to prove it!!!

I wish I could remember the song we were dancing to. Grrrrr, I can't though. But it was really fast, and upbeat, and everyone was jumping around. It was very fun!!! And let me just say I was worn out by the time we were done dancing. It is a nice memory to have, and maybe eventually me and my father in law will be buddies???
Now, I have more to share, but I need to make Mitch lunch for tomorrow, and maybe get some house stuff done. So, next time!!!

A "good" day!

Well, all I'm gonna say for now is that today (actually yesterday now) was a really good day. I am too tired to share right now, but I took some silly pictures, and promise to share... maybe tomorrow. Right now I am going to bed, and ending this good day with a smile on my face! Good night!

Life gets easier everyday

Sometimes I worry too much what others are thinking of what I write...... like right now, even though I am trying not to, the thought keeps creeping into my mind as I type away. But why do I care????

I blog for me mostly. My last post was pretty uncaring though. I was kinda mean actually. I didn't mean to be, I was hurting. My pain is better. I have anger still, deep inside, and toward people I love. I'm sorry I can't help it. I'm not mad AT my sisters, just at life in general, and at how unfair it can be.

I waited to even try to get pregnant until now, until I was settled, and married, and totally and completely sure. I was so careful before, even though I would have loved to have a baby years ago, me and Mitch knew we weren't ready, so we waited and were VERY careful while we waited.

But last December we decided we were ready, and after trying month after month, we FINALLY were pregnant. If you have read my previous post or my other blog you know I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks along. I made my other blog private, maybe someday I will write again, if I decide to share my future possible pregnancy with anyone, but I can't bring myself to delete it, just hide it, so only I can read it.

I am dealing with my pain, the physical part took weeks to end, I finally miscarried (after knowing I had lost the baby for weeks) this past Friday. It was one of the most painful things I have ever experienced, made worse by the fact that every pain I felt was accompanied by the knowledge that all my dreams for my baby would never be, my baby was gone.

Emotionally I am a lot better too. Thank you too everyone who helped me through everything, I got encouragement from the most unexpected people, mostly on my myspace and my close family, but here on blogger I know Amber shared her story, if you read this Amber, thank you for the support, and thoughts, they helped.

Now that I can finally talk a little bit about my feelings, I am hurt by new news. I found out that my little sister is pregnant, and that another little sister is trying for her second child. It is hard for me to deal with. I am not angry with them, I love both of them very much, but find it harder to talk to them right now. I want to be happy for them, and be a part of their pregnancy, but it hurts too much.

It's not fair, and nobody better dare comment about how life isn't fair.... I know, but I am still entitled to be hurt by this. Me and Mitch are good people, and we would be awesome parents. I don't understand. I tried today to talk about my feelings, but it was too hard, I felt mean. So maybe if you read this then you will know that I love you both sooooo much, and I hope to share your happiness some day, but I can't today. And I know I wasn't supposed to know... everyone is protecting "poor Kimmy" lately, but secrets are never kept in our family, everyone knows that!

Anyways, I did it, I wrote what I wanted, and I am sure some people might find it boring, or sad, or be hurt.... but this is my place to post my feelings, my life experiences, share my creativity, and just be "me", so it's OK.

And I promise to be happy, and share some fun things in an upcoming post.... I have new pictures, and fun stories, and finished projects to share!!!!!

Someday soon, I hope...

As I sit here curled up in a ball on my studio floor, I am wishing I had the desire to clean up this disaster, followed by a desire to use my creativity to make amazingly beautiful things. But I just can't right now. The only thing I can will myself to do besides sleep and watch TV, is to make sure my husband has lunch packed each day for work, and clean clothes to wear.

As sad as I am right now, I can't bear to be totally useless, especially to him, when he is working so hard, and trying the best he knows how to be here for me right now.

I know it is not my fault that we won't be having our baby next March like we were so looking forward to, and planning for and dreaming about, but it feels awful, having no reason, having nobody to blame, it is hard to accept that it just happens sometimes. That is is for the best, that it is really happening to me. That my baby, and all my hopes and dreams for it are just gone, with a few words from the doctor.

Mitch was so excited, and even though he says we can try again, and that it will be OK, and he acts like he isn't at all hurt by what has happened, I know he must be, and that he must be hiding it to be strong for me. I am a mess. And I know maybe this post might be better suited to my other blog, but I just wanted to share some of my feelings, and the reason why I haven't been around much to anyone who may not make it over to my other blog, that I will soon remove.

Even when we do decide to get pregnant again, and the doctors says I should wait at least 3 months, to be emotionally and physically better, I don't know if I can continue the same blog, or if I will even blog about it all all. I know I will keep the next pregnancy a secret, at least until I know for sure that the baby is alive and doing amazingly well. Telling everyone about the miscarriage has been hard. Very very hard. And I have no idea how many people actually knew about the pregnancy.

I wish I could be fun and happy, and creatively inspiring. But right now, I am going to end this post and go watch a movie or something, and hope I fall asleep soon. And I am not going to care one little bit that I am depressing any of you few people who might stop by to read about my boring little life. I shared the happy news here, and unfortunately I must share the sad news too. I lost my baby, the tiny little life that was growing inside of me for 3 months. I am sad. I am not ready to talk about my feelings, and I am only posting this here to avoid as many painful real life conversations as possible.

Thank you to all my friends and family that have been here for me. I am dreading the next few weeks, and I know you will continue to be there when I need you. I love you all.