Ewwwww!

All I gotta say, is the smell of the hamburger meat cooking right now is making me SICK!!! Ughhh.

Back to the kitchen {with my nose covered I might add} to finish breakfast... lunch... dinner??? Whatever the heck it is, for my babers.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

I missed you too!

Hi!

Have you missed me???

I missed you too! :o)

We are barely two months into 2009 and my life has been filled with so much, everything!!!

I moved to Reno. LOVE my new place. Well besides the kitchen cabinets, they are awful, and scratched. But I'll deal. Our refrigerator that I was cleaning on my last post... clean, but stinky! I have been forbidden from my husband from eating anything that comes out of it! Come on! A girl needs her milk!

It smells moldy. And he thinks that it will hurt the baby.

Did you catch that?

I am pregnant again!!!!!
We are trying not to get our hopes up too much. I'll tell you more in a minute... back to my fridge.

Mitch says we are gonna get a new one. I wish we could make this one work. It is a decent fridge, and I promised him that our next BIG purchase would be his flat screen TV. He wants it so badly. Poor babers. He works so hard for that TV he wants. :o(

I want him to get his TV, so then I can get my furniture... I have a family room now, and guess what? It is totally and completely empty. Except for bar stools, and a halfway ripped apart chair that I really like and am gonna reupholster. I am so excited, it will be my very first time. But I gotta wait until Mitch gets me a *good* staple gun. He has high standards. You know since he used to use one all the time when he installed flooring.

I think my staple gun is lower on the priority list than his TV, {sigh} I feel like I am never gonna get all my projects done. I have so many, and am SUPER duper excited about all of them. YAY!!!

I feel bad that I haven't posted any pictures at all lately. I LOVE pictures. But I don't like ugly pictures. So I found one good one to share. My pretty Valentines Day flowers I got last week. See?




We never celebrate Valentines Day. So I was shocked to find my flowers when I woke up. And I was being such a meanie that morning too, I felt bad.

It was kinda funny, because I called him at midnight {he works graveyards} to ask him to pick me up a sausage and egg mcmuffin, hash brown and orange juice from McDonalds when he got off work in the morning. I was totally craving it and HAD to have it in the morning. It was before we knew I was pregnant, and his coworker asked him if I was pregnant. Shoulda known!!!

So all I was expecting was my breakfast, and getting flowers and breakfast was a perfect start to my day. I just love my babers.

So remember how I told you that my sister Danetta is pregnant again? Well, it turns out that we are only a few days apart in our pregnancies. I hope everything goes good this time for both of us. I think it will be so awesome to have someone so close to me to go through this with. And our kids will be the same age. How cool is that!!!

I am trying so hard to not stress out. But having two miscarriages in the past 6 months is making it hard to not stress out. During the day I decorate, and watch TV, and surf online, and am preoccupied, so the bad thoughts don't creep up so much.

But when I'm laying in bed, it gets harder. And last night I had a dream that I started bleeding, and lost the baby. I had cramps last night, and when I woke up to go pee {yeah, I do that like 2 or 3 times a night} I remembered my dream. It was awful. Because I laid there thinking about everything, and it took forever to fall back asleep.

Plus Mitch keeps freaking out every time I touch my stomach. Asking if I have cramps. And the look on his face makes me feel so bad. Then when I tell him I am fine, it's just mild cramping and normal, he grabs my boobs to see if they still hurt. You see, last time, I woke up on the 14th, and my boobs didn't hurt anymore. And I just knew.... and within a few hours I started bleeding. So I totally do the boob thing every single morning. And even though they hurt SOOOO much, I am grateful, because I take it as a good sign. Go ahead, laugh, I am! It is funny! I am the weird pregnant woman that wants all those crappy symptoms, at least for now.

I have a doctors appointment set up for March 17. I will feel so much better after I see the doctor. I can make it until then. I will.

And until then, I will read your blogs, {because they are all fabulous} decorate my new place, and finish my "time out" bench. I have before pictures, and soon I'll have after pictures. It is so little, and it's gonna be so very cute in my living room. You'll see!!!

Our First Night!

We spent ALL day moving, in the rain and snow! Fuuuuuun times!

No TV, phone or internet until Monday. But I found an unsecured wireless network to tap into until mine comes! YEAH! One of my new neighbors ROCKS!!!

Anyways, just wanted to let all my bloggy readers know where I've been. Gotta go clean the icky icky fridge that's been in storage forever! Yuck!

p.s. Thanks for all your sweet comments on my last post. I will get around to responding, once things settle down a bit! :o)

Are you kidding me???

I have been BUSY as can be packing up, moving day is a few days away!!! I ran outta boxes 2 days ago, and sent Mitch out to get a few more. A few.... yeah, my babers came back with like 50 boxes! And he finally brought me some small ones, a little bit too late! I guess he wanted to make sure I had enough, he says he ain't going out for boxes again! Hehehe.

It is a good thing I am caught up on packing, cause yesterday I didn't do anything. Well I cried a lot! It was an awful day! Sami is having a baby girl. She finally found out. And I am happy for her, I am sooooo excited for another niece. And I totally think I coulda handled that news alone. But at the same time I got the news that Netta is pregnant again.

Deep breath.
The second I heard the words my eyes welled up with tears. I tried not to cry, and had to get off the phone. It was too much.

I have a miscarriage, and a few weeks later Sami finds out she is pregnant. I have another miscarriage, and a few weeks later {yesterday} Netta finds out she is pregnant. Are you kidding me????? It's like the fertile fairy took my baby and transplanted it into them. Seriously, they literally conceived almost if not the exact day that I miscarried. Both times!!!!!!!!

It is like someone is taking all of my pain and fears and emotions I am trying very hard to live with, and rubbing them in my face, and saying HAHAHA.

My sisters are all I have. Them and my moms {mother in law counted cause she is fabulous} are ALL. When I started crying yesterday I had nobody to talk to {besides Mitch, who can only take so much} they were all celebrating. I can't take that away. That is not fair of me. I feel so alone. I know I will get through this. But right now, I wanna cry and scream.

It is HARD. I love the girls. I am happy for them. I just don't understand. Maybe if I hadn't been so careful and just got myself knocked up, I'd have my baby.

I was careful. I waited. I used birth control. We are ready financially. We are ready emotionally. We waited for everything to be right. It was hard, I woulda loved a baby years ago, but I knew that it wasn't the right time. Money wasn't right. We weren't ready in our relationship yet. I was too selfish. I liked my time. I didn't wanna share. So I waited.

I know I could get pregnant and stay pregnant next month. The month after. The month after that. I know I might. But I also know I might not. And today I am sad. I am hurt. I am confused. And I am trying to be happy for my sisters. Trying.

Another Deep Breath.

So, I am packing today. All day. And listening to music. It calms me. It helps me forget for a while. I am happily looking forward to moving into my new place in a few days. And I am remembering all the good things in my life..

I hope I didn't scare anyone away. But it's my blog, and I can cry if I want to. Here's to hoping today is better for me and you! :o)