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Friday, September 18, 2009

35 Weeks!

Today I am 35 weeks pregnant!!!

That means I have only 5 more weeks until my due date.

That is barely over a month. Yeah, I'm having an oh my goodness, heart racing, totally freaking out moment!

He could come as soon as right now, to at the MOST 7 weeks from now. I've been wrapped up in absolutely nothing but shopping for him the past 2 days. My list of things I need is getting shorter and shorter.

I am sooooooo beyond excited. Me and Mitch have been through so much pain and loss trying to bring this child into the world, and it seems unreal that in a few short weeks we will finally be parents. I really don't think it's gonna sink in until he is in our arms.

My house has become overrun with baby stuff, in every room. But it's just stuff. The baby is still inside my belly. Kicking, pushing, hiccuping, squirming around. Making sure his poor mommy {that'd be meeeeeee} is inflicted with every possible uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and occasionally yucky pregnancy symptom imaginable. Seriously! But you know what? It's all worth it. I cried the other day thinking about how worth it it really is.

We are taking a 6 week childbirth education class. And last week {week 2} we had to bring along something to use as a focal point during our breathing exercises.

I stressed out the whole week over what I was gonna bring. You really have to understand, I am the kinda person that analyzes every little detail. Everything has to have a story, has to have meaning, has to be perfect. Ordinary won't do. I like handmade, custom, personalized, unique... the list goes on and on.

Everything I thought of bringing was immediately shot down by myself, of course. It was all unmeaningful. How were those items going to help me during my labor??? Then I realized what would help me.

Remembering that it is worth it. Not forgetting that it is my little Riley that will be causing all the labor pain. That sounds kinda bad, but I have been through a lot of pain, both physical and emotional with my miscarriages. And I remember thinking as I was crying and screaming into the pillow, trying not to wake Mitch up, that it was all for nothing. It was hours of excruciating pain, and what I had when it was all over, wasn't a baby, it was nothing. The pain and emptiness I felt was unlike anything I have ever experienced before.

I took months to heal. My second miscarriage wasn't nearly as hard as my first. It was very early, only a week after I had found out I was expecting again. But it made me feel twice as hopeless. Was I ever going to be a mommy?? It really didn't feel like it, and nobody in my life understood. They couldn't. The only ones who I could talk to were the few bloggy friends who were going through the same thing. It was hard.

Do you get what I meant now, when I said that Riley will be causing me all the pain? It is a good thing, because focusing on that fact, remembering that I have been through similar pain, that was all for nothing, and that this time I will have him {my little boy} when it is all over. Instead of feeling empty and hopeless, I will be full of more love than I can even imagine.

I made a necklace after my first miscarriage. It has a tag with my due date, and a butterfly with the birthstone from that month in it. It is my way of remembering my first child that I never got a chance to hold, but that I loved very much.

That necklace and a framed ultrasound picture of little Riley are my focal point items. They represent everything I just wrote here. They help me remember that it is all worth it. That I can handle whatever pain that comes, now and later. Because it's all for him. I love him so much.


  1. That made me cry, I love u kimmy and you are SO STRONG! I am so happy that Mitch and you will be able to have everything u have wanted in your arms and heart forever. I LOVE YOU. And am so happy I got to go through this pregnancy with you. Even if we are a few hrs apart!

  2. OH and when u do finally hold him, you will never forget the feeling... it is so special, unique, filled with so much love and emotion... (and slimy) ... I cant wait for u to hold him for the first time, when they pull him out and put him on your belly, it is the best feeling in the entire world, the best feeling you will EVER have!

  3. How exciting. I can't wait to see pictures of your little miracle baby. What an exciting adventure you and your husband are entering into. So so excited for you!

    by the way you look absolutely amazing pregnant! I love your picutres on the side!!

  4. Oh, Kimberly. I'm in tears (of course, it doesn't take much these days). But this is so sweet. All the heartache and loss is all worth it for this one child. Riley is your dream come true and he will be here so soon. You and Mitch are going to be absolutely wonderful parents and I'm so happy for you! Yay!!! Happy last month of pregnancy! I'm jealous! ;)

  5. You're such a strong person! I am so proud of you and excited to see what a great life you have once he is here! You and Mitch deserve happiness and that sweet little baby will give it to you! Don't worry about the pain, you won't even remember it once you are holding him in your arms! It's so hard to explain the feelings of being pregnant and going through childbirth, but all I can tell people is that it was worth it all! :-)

  6. Hi, I came across you via Mod Podge Rocks & pounced upon your "pregnancy" entries cos I am 10 weeks pregnant now. Everything you've written here I understand completely, having gone through miscarriages in the past also. I'm so pleased you have your little baby now (i presume??) ... I'm anxiously waiting for the end of next week when I reach the 12 week stage and the "danger" is over. I'll be so happy at the end of my 40 weeks when I realise that in the end, it *is* all worth it!! :)


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